


Never a Dull Moment

by babe_without_the_arms



Category: Twin Peaks
Genre: Fluff and Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 11:33:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10555616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babe_without_the_arms/pseuds/babe_without_the_arms
Summary: Dale greets Albert good morning, and also predicts his future (because that's a normal thing to do for your coworker).





	

7:56 am. Albert hangs his trenchcoat on the rack in the corner of the office. He’s here an hour earlier than he needs to be, but Dale Cooper has already been at his desk for at least half an hour, working away on the day’s case notes and his fourth cup of coffee. With their shared habit of working late and starting early, it’s only been a little under 9 hours since Albert saw him last.

“Good morning!” Dale puts down his pen and folds his hands together, spine erect, eyes bright.

“Don’t you ever sleep, Coop?”

“Sleep, Albert, is only one way of resting the mind and the body. I have discovered that with at least three complete sleep cycles and a full hour of meditation, I am far more alert than most people are with a full eight hours. I am a firm believer that too much sleep dulls the senses. My extrasensory perception is particularly keen today.”

Albert walked over to Dale’s desk and crossed his arms. “I bet. You know hallucinations are a sign of sleep deprivation?”

Dale continued in a matter-of-fact tone, either missing or ignoring the dryness in Albert’s voice. “Not that kind of perception, Albert. Our current astrological conditions are not conducive for visual expression.”

“Then what kind of ‘extrasensory perception’ are we talking about?” 

“Today I feel that I can predict the unfolding of today’s events with a great deal of certainty. Specifically, your day.”

Albert squinted at Dale for a moment.

“Do you want my hand so you can read my palm, or should I go get some tea leaves for you? Or will a star chart suffice?”

Dale continued on, closing his eyes and putting a hand out in front of him and spreading his fingers. “For example: You left your apartment at approximately 7:30 this morning. You skipped breakfast but drank coffee on the way to work. You arrived at around 7:50 and stopped by Diane’s office to check your mailbox. Then you came here and hung your trenchcoat and came over to say good morning to me.”

“I never said ‘good morning.’”

“Next, you will go to your desk and open your mail. Then you will sort your work into piles based on urgency. Your “urgent” pile is always the tallest. In approximately 30 minutes you will go out for a cigarette. You will do this throughout the day in two hour intervals. At 9:30 we will have our daily briefing with Gordon and you will make a bad joke about ordering a migraine with your coffee. From 10:00 to 12:30 you will attend diligently to your paperwork, stopping only to make remarks about the incompetency of the work of other departments, and for a cigarette and a bathroom break that will take place at approximately 11:45 am.”

“Don’t forget Gordon’s interruptions and non-sequiturs.”

“A 12:30 we’ll have lunch at the diner down the street. You will sit across from me in the booth. You will order vegetable soup and bread and a Caesar salad. At around 1:15 we will return to the office and you will collect your documents and head down to the lab until around 7pm, staying late to make sure your “urgent” pile is eliminated for the day. I will meet you in the cafeteria at around that time for a small meal and then we will return to the office, where we will work on paperwork together for several more hours, finishing sometime between 10 and 11pm. Then we will both go home for a few hours of sleep, and then return early tomorrow morning to greet each other before the day begins.” Dale opened his eyes and put his hands down.

Albert smirked. “Glad my fortune doesn’t have anything special in store for me. Sounds like routine, Coop.”

“I think that depends on your attitude, Albert.” Dale smiled. 

“Right.” Albert wandered over to his desk and began sorting his mail--just as Dale had predicted. 

“What about you, Albert? Are you rested today?”

“I can sleep when I’m dead. Or when we’ve closed this case.”

Dale beamed.


End file.
